Personal Resilience Should Be A Choice -PART TWO

In turbulent times, we can all use more resilience.

In part 1 of this article, we covered some of the basics of personal resilience. In this second part, we'll move to more advanced concepts to help set the stage for lasting impact.

Know Your Breaking Point Before You Hit It

In 1990, I left my career in public broadcasting behind and jumped into the world of consulting. At first, it was exhilarating. I couldn't get enough of the travel and accomplishment that came with helping organizations see their way through challenges. One success built on the last, and I quickly had a solid portfolio. What I didn't understand was how all of the details of that business could suddenly pile up to a point where I felt underwater. Without much forethought or warning, I'd found my breaking point. It felt like my world was teetering like Jenga blocks at a frat party.

And that describes how a lot of us manage stress. Most people wait until they're completely overwhelmed to realize they're in trouble.

I'd pushed through the tension headaches, ignored the sleepless nights, and brushed off the constant irritability (though my wife didn't). Then I'd wonder why I suddenly couldn't handle simple decisions or why I'd snapped at a friend or colleague out of nowhere.

Our bodies and brains are constantly sending us information about stress levels. The problem? We've learned to ignore the early signals until they become impossible to miss. Part of learning to be more resilient is to tune into our early warning systems.

Track Your Warning Signs

Your breaking point doesn't happen overnight. It builds through predictable stages that you can learn to recognize.

Physical signals arrive first: Your shoulders creep up toward your ears. Sleep becomes restless or elusive. Your appetite disappears or becomes ravenous. Energy crashes even after rest.

Mental changes follow close behind: Thoughts start racing or get stuck in loops. Simple decisions feel overwhelming. Focus becomes scattered. Memory gets unreliable.

Emotional shifts intensify the pattern: Irritability spikes over small things. Anxiety about the future grows. Sadness feels heavier. Or conversely, you might feel emotionally numb, like you're watching your life from a distance.

Behavioral changes complete the picture: You start avoiding responsibilities or people. Healthy habits disappear first – exercise, cooking, social connections. Unhealthy coping mechanisms take their place.

Start paying attention to these patterns in yourself. Which signals show up first for you? What's your typical sequence?

Notice Your Default Responses

When stress hits, what do you typically do?

Some people freeze and avoid making any decisions. Others attack problems head-on without thinking through consequences. Some blame external circumstances. Others turn all criticism inward.

You may seek comfort in shopping, food, or scrolling social media for hours. You may throw yourself into work to avoid dealing with emotions. Or you might isolate completely, convincing yourself that nobody understands.

There's no judgment here, just awareness. You can't change patterns you don't recognize.

Write down your go-to stress responses. Be honest. These automatic reactions developed for good reasons, but they might not be serving you anymore.

Identify What Actually Helps

The most important part of the observation phase is learning what helps.

Think back to times when you successfully navigated difficult situations. Not when someone else solved the problem for you, but when you found a way through it yourself.

What did you do? What resources did you use? Who did you talk to? How did you think about the problem?

Discussing the issue with a friend helped you see it more clearly. Physical activity burned off the stress energy and cleared your head. Or stepping completely away from the situation for a day gave you the perspective you needed.

Pay attention to the strategies that actually worked, not just the ones that felt good in the moment. Binge-watching Netflix might provide temporary relief, but did it help you solve the underlying problem or feel more capable of handling it?

These successful strategies form the foundation of your resilience. They prove you already have skills that work under pressure.

Start Your Personal Data Collection

You don't need fancy tracking systems or apps. A simple notebook or phone notes work perfectly.

For one week, just observe:

• What triggers your stress response?

• What physical sensations show up first?

• How do your thoughts change under pressure?

• What emotions intensify or shut down?

• What do you naturally do to cope?

Don't try to change anything yet. This is the time for observation.

This isn't about creating more work for yourself. It's about becoming curious about your own patterns instead of being a victim of them.

Most people are shocked by what they discover during this observation week. Stress triggers they didn't realize existed. Physical warning signs they'd been ignoring for years. Coping strategies that actually made things worse.

But they also discover strengths they'd forgotten about, times they handled pressure better than they remembered, or resources and skills they could build on.

Your Early Warning System

Once you understand your personal stress patterns, you can intervene much earlier in the process.

Instead of waiting until you're completely overwhelmed, you can recognize the early signals and take action when minor adjustments can still make a big difference.

That slight shoulder tension becomes a cue to take three deep breaths. Racing thoughts signal it's time for a walk. The urge to avoid everyone tells you to reach out to one trusted person instead.

Your patterns become useful information instead of overwhelming experiences you endure.

This observation phase sets the foundation for everything that comes next. You can't build resilience skills effectively until you know precisely what you're working with.

Next week: Learn specific techniques to strengthen your emotional regulation and cognitive flexibility – turning awareness into action.

References

Compas, B. E., Connor-Smith, J. K., Saltzman, H., Thomsen, A. H., & Wadsworth, M. E. (2001). Coping with stress during childhood and adolescence: problems, progress, and potential in theory and research. Psychological Bulletin, 127(1), 87-127.

Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Springer.

LeDoux, J. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.

McEwen, B. S. (2017). Neurobiological and systemic effects of chronic stress. Chronic Stress, 1, 1-11.

Meichenbaum, D. (2007). Stress inoculation training: A preventative and treatment approach. In P. M. Lehrer, R. L. Woolfolk, & W. E. Sime (Eds.), Principles and practice of stress management (3rd ed., pp. 497-516). Guilford Press.

Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don't get ulcers (3rd ed.). Henry Holt.

Southwick, S. M., & Charney, D. S. (2018). Resilience: The science of mastering life's greatest challenges (2nd ed.). Cambridge University Press.

Sterling, P., & Eyer, J. (1988). Allostasis: A new paradigm to explain arousal pathology. In S. Fisher & J. Reason (Eds.), Handbook of life stress, cognition and health (pp. 629-649). John Wiley & Sons.

See our new project, theWALK - An Experiential Course in Personal Resilience here.

NOTE: Per the Krios Consulting policy on disclosing the use of AI and Large Language Models, this article used AI to help outline the article and find references and citations. The AI results were used as a starting point for Bill Palladino's writing for this work.